


Third Opinion a Must

by vinegardog



Category: Farscape
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 22:55:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8178940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinegardog/pseuds/vinegardog
Summary: John has a medical emergency





	

  


Farscape ficlet written straight to the board of TV Universe in a fit of boredom a few weeks back. Apologies for any and all mistakes.  
  
The challenge was to write a story that involved a doctor/patient and involved one of our favourite characters.  
  
Characters are not mine.  
  
Approx 480 words  
  
Set at some undetermined time after PK Wars  
  
 **Third Opinion A Must (PG-13)**  
  
“Aeeeeerrrryyynnnnn!” John came running from the refresher unit into their quarters, stark naked, a panicked look on his face. “Look at this!?” He said, not stopping and not giving his wife the chance to actually “look” at whatever he was panicking about “My left zirkebob has swelled to the size of a lemon… A LEMON!” He didn’t even wait for her to reply, he just shot out of the room – still stark naked – in the direction of Pilot’s den shouting “Pilot! Pilot! Head for the closest medical facility NOW! Starburst if you gotta, just do it now before my zirkenbob explodes!”  
______________________  
  
The tall avian-looking doctor bent his long flamingo-like body to examine the body part in question. A feathery finger extended out and prodded at the enlarged zirkenbob.  
  
John whimpered but – really quite heroically he thought – he refrained from screaming or pulling back.  
  
“I have never come across your species before but it looks to me that this zirkenbob is quite clearly infected and will need to be removed immediately.” The Diagnosan declared in no uncertain terms.  
  
“No way, Jose!” John exclaimed scrambling to pull up his Calvins and his trousers.  
  
“But, John, be reasonable…” Aeryn tried to calm her almost hysterical husband.  
  
“No, no, no… NO! I am outta here! I demand a second opinion!” John shouted heading for the door.  
  
_________________________  
  
The Diagnosan looked like a giant turtle, ancient and myopic, but he had a sterling reputation as a healer on this planet of healers. He/she/it slowly sniffed the inflamed zirkenbob, said nothing, slowly pulled back, still said nothing and then slowly bent forward again starting the process all over again.  
  
John fidgeted and waited.  
  
Turtle Doctor coughed, made to say something, stopped and coughed again. Then bent forward again, slowly, for a third sniff.  
  
John twitched, his fingers tightening on the edge of the gurney he was sitting on.  
  
“For the love of God, Doc, what’s the frelling verdict?!”  
  
“I… recommend… rest.” The Diagnosan declared in his own good time “The infection will subside… eventually...” _*cough*_ “The swelling will subside… eventually…” _*sniff, sniff*_  
  
John’s heart lifted with relief until the doc ominously added: “Six monens of… of complete recreational abstinence is recommended… no not recommended… it is imperative.” _*cough* *sniff*_ “No, well, actually… make that one full cycle and the zirkenbob will be completely healed.” Was his final prognosis.  
  
Not the greatest of news but at least his zirkenbob could be saved! John rejoiced.  
  
Before he had fully been able to enjoy the feeling of elation that came from knowing that he would not be losing his precious family jewel, he saw Aeryn step forward, face unusually contorted by an array of emotions that finally settled into utter dismay: “No, no, no… NO! We are out of here! I demand a third opinion!” She exclaimed heading for the door.  
  
The end


End file.
